Learning to Fall
by PegasusAcc
Summary: As Trowa attempts to teach Midii his famous triple flip, Midii realizes that you have to take things one step at a time; you have to learn to fall, before learning to flip...and you have to let go of the past before moving on...


Learning to Fall

By: PegasusAcc

"You're not trying!" he shouted through clenched teeth. "Midii, you're going to hurt yourself if you keep doing things half way! Focus! I taught you how to fall ages ago!" Trowa blew a frustrated sigh through his bangs. They were going to be here forever at this rate.

"Why don't we call it a night?" he suggested, refusing to wince as Midii screamed, falling from her attempted flip and landing gracelessly on her arm. He shuffled toward her battered body. "You need to rest before you injure yourself seriously."

Midii stood and wobbled, her knees threatening to give beneath her body's weight. She clutched onto Trowa's shirt for support, her breathing unnaturally heavy. For hours the two of them had been in the humid, stale atmosphere of the circus tent, pausing only for a few suggestions or bits of constructive criticism. Midii's neck was sore, her back ached with shooting pains, and crusted blood clung to the hair around her forehead.

"Trowa, I just can't do it," she panted as he led her away from the ring. "Why do you keep pushing me so hard?" Her throat cracked with strain. A cool breeze ruffled the multi-colored canvas flaps and brushed against her heated skin.

Trowa hugged her closely, feeling the brief shiver that ran through her. "I only push you so hard because I know that you can do it." He helped her into the trailer they shared, watching as she made her way unsteadily to the shower. She leaned against the bathroom door, gasping for air. "I've seen it in your eyes. You're the only one that doesn't think you can. You can't be afraid anymore, Midii."

Midii scowled before entering and slamming the door. Cautiously she pried the sweat-dried clothes from her body, the stiffness already beginning to settle into her joints. She examined the newly forming bruises amid the already black and blue spots on her skin. She cringed, turning on the hot water and watching as the steam filled the room, condensed on the mirror, and obscured the image of her drained face.

She stepped into the shower, letting the hot water ease the tension that coursed through her small figure. She sighed, fatigue washing over her just as easily as the water. Swirls of blood made their way toward the drain, and Midii tasted the salt from her tears in her mouth. She lifted her face into the downpour to conceal her strife.

Images of the past week played through her mind like a film without sound. Things had started out well, or at least better than they were now. She knew Trowa had only tried to teach her his triple flip as a hobby, but for the past few days it had become his obsession.

Midii watched as the last swirls of crimson escaped down the drainpipe. "I wish I could escape," she confessed aloud to no one but herself. "I just can't do it," he repeated. But then, just as always, she heard Trowa's automated response.

__

"You can't be afraid anymore, Midii."

Midii slammed her fist onto the slippery, tiled wall. "I'm not afraid, damn it!" she shouted, knowing instantly that it was a lie. She choked on on-coming tears. She was afraid; not of mastering the famous triple flip, but of what it represented.

More tears blended into the droplets of water cascading down her face. The pain in her body could not match the pain that burned in her heart.

Being with the clown was the one thing that she had always prayed for, and after years of hopeful wishing, she had met him at the circus. He was so ready to forgive and let the past die. But she seemed to cling to it with ludicrous persistence. Midii groaned. Feeling him around her, feeling him love her, proved to her how unworthy she truly was. He may have forgiven her, but Midii could never forgive herself. For her, the past would never die.

Midii slammed the water off, wrapping a towel around her lean figure. The heat rolled off her skin in waves, but even clenching her hands into fists could not cease the trembling in her fingers. The fan whirred madly, revealing her face in the fog-coated mirror. She grabbed a warm, cotton robe from the back of the door and flung it over her shoulders.

"Took you long enough to take a shower," Trowa commented, pulling down the covers to the large queen size bed they shared. Moonlight filtered in through the small window, casting silver shadows along his muscles. Chiseled over time, Midii had spent many nights committing each of his features to memory. Night was one of the few times they shared with one another, but as of late, both were usually too tired to do anything other than sleep.

Midii tossed away her robe, watching as his gaze flit hungrily over the curves of her body. He frowned as she slid the silk nightgown over her head and readied for bed.

"Midii…those bruises," he asked gently as she slid next to him.

"I'm fine," she lied, her head sinking into the pillows. She listened to the soft chirping of cicadas outside, feeling his arm wrap protectively around her and knowing his response before he even spoke it.

"Midii, you can't be-"

"Afraid anymore?" she finished, new tears soaking through her hair and into the pillow. "I'm not afraid," she lied again.

Trowa's grip tightened, but he decided to let the subject drop. Trying to pry into Midii's mind was like walking on a tightrope without a net, and he had hardly had enough practice for such a dangerous maneuver. Sleep fell over him in a dreamy haze as he listened to her rhythmic breathing and took in her scent. "I love you Midii," he whispered, before falling quiet.

Midii waited a few moments before removing herself from his hold. She sighed, dressing quickly and collecting her belongings. Massaging her shoulders, she attempted to reduce the stiffness and rigidity of her movements. She cast a last look on his sleeping bulk, her gaze filled with awe and admiration. "I love you too," she replied.

She stepped out of the trailer, the muggy air sticking to her skin. Midii glanced upward, into the vast expanse of blue velvet. Each star smiled down on her, both egging her on and forcing her to stay. She heard the snap of twigs and spun.

"Leaving?" he asked, though his tone implied it as a fact rather than question.

"Trowa, I-" she began.

"I understand, Midii…" he whispered, edging closer and running his calloused fingers over the cheek. He leaned forward, kissing her face and kissing her hair. "I won't stop you."

"Trowa, I…I need to learn how to forget," she sobbed. "I don't want to leave, but it's something that I have to do; for me." He nodded somberly. He had known this day would come. The moment he began to teach her, he had known she would leave. His only hope is that if he has pushed her long enough and hard enough he could some way avoid the unavoidable.

" I know." Midii smiled, kissing his jaw line tenderly.

"Wait for me. I'll return to you," she promised, fading into the forest around the tent.

Trowa stood and watched her leave, feeling no desire to call her name and draw her back to him. He gazed mutely as she blended into shadows and disappeared back into the past.

The light from the adjacent trailer snapped on, Cathy sprinting out into the clearing, knives in hand. She stopped, a puzzled frown creasing her brow. "Trowa?" she questioned, watching her brother's silent figure. "I heard voices." She glanced around the premises, squinting to see in the darkness. "Where's Midii?"

Trowa turned, the night concealing the tears in his eyes. "She left." Cathy gasped and dropped her knives.

"Oh Trowa! I'm so sorry!" She threw her arms around her brother, taking him into a comforting embrace. "I knew how much she meant to you." She let him go, following his gaze to the stars.

"She'll be back," he assured her, losing himself in the twinkling lights from space. "She has to learn to fall before she can flip."


End file.
